I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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