Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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