my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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