I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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