I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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