dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
