She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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