I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
