So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
