I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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