You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
