The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
