I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
