I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
