the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
