Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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