Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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