Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
