I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize