just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
