we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
