I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
