I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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