My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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