I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
