I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
