the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
