why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
