Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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