Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's never too late to be topless.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
