No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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