so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
