You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
