he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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