a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
