I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
