If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You took a bar mat shot.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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