No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
