im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
