Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
