We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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