I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
