I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
dude. I can hear the air.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
