I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
