He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
