kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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