and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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