You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
