she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
