i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
