I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
