How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
