dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
