ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
