yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Moan for me like Helen Keller
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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