R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
