is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
