I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
