I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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