My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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