you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
