Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
3 2 1 whiskey
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
