And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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