THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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