I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
P.S. I can't hear my feet
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
