he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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