So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
