I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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