ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
